It’s the month of blooms and blossoms. This is a law, as set forth in the Ohio Revised Code: “April showers shall bring May flowers.”
When I was in school, I thought it was the Pilgrims who brought the Mayflower. I refuse to live any longer in that kind of ignorance. I consulted a few offbeat calendars to find out what May’s really about.
We’ve already missed Mother Goose Day (May 1), which goosetails nicely into Baby Day (May 2). Pay attention so we don’t lose any other celebrations, such as:
Today — International Tuba Day. (For anyone who can’t stand the sound of a tuba, it’s also Lumpy Rug Day. Either roll up in a lumpy rug, or cram it down the tuba.)
May 4 — National Star Wars Day (May the Fourth be with you, naturally).
May 5 — National Hoagie Day. (If you didn’t grow up around here, those would be submarine sandwiches to you.)
May 6 — No Diet Day. (Considering all the days on this list that revolve around food, I think we can declare the whole month of May diet free.)
May 7 — My Mom’s birthday (without which my birthday would have been a lot trickier.)
May 8 — No Socks Day. Followed by…
May 9 — Lost Sock Memorial Day. (It’s also National Butterscotch Brownie Day, which will help ease the pain of lost socks.)
May 10 — Clean up Your Room Day. (Hey, look! I found my socks!)
May 11 — Eat What You Want Day. Also, National Train Day, National Windmill Day and Twilight Zone Day.
May 12 — International Nurses Day. (You may want to see a nurse after the busy day yesterday.)
May 12 — Limerick Day. (There once was a man from North Bloomfield ...)
May 13 — Frog Jumping Day. (I don’t know about the frog, but you should have seen me jump when some prankster hid one in my easy chair.)
May 14 — Dance Like a Chicken Day. Also, National Buttermilk Biscuit Day, which makes more sense. (Bok-bok-bok.)
May 15 — National Chocolate Chip Day. (Only one day? I’m grabbing dozens.)
May 16 — National Sea Monkey Day. (Why did they never look like the pictures on the backs of comic books?)
May 17 — Pack Rat Day. (This is why we have a Clean Up Your Room Day.)
May 18 — No Dirty Dishes Day. (Don’t wash them or don’t use them? I’m going to need napkins.)
May 19 — National Devil’s Food Cake Day. Also, Take Your Parents To The Playground Day. (Hey, kids, I’ll go for some cake.)
May 20 — Be a Millionaire Day. (If I have to, I guess. ... OK, I’m in.)
May 21 — National Memo Day (Make a note of that.)
May 22 — National Vanilla Pudding Day. (I’ll have chocolate chips in mine.)
May 23 — World Turtle Day. (Teenage Mutant Ninja or otherwise.)
May 24 — National Escargot Day. (Good luck with that.)
May 25 — Tap Dance Day. (My steps are more like a clomp-stomp.)
May 26 — National Blueberry Cheesecake Day. (What a great day!)
May 27 — National Grape Popsicle Day. (What a grape day!)
May 28 — National Hamburger Day. (Pass the ketchup and relish.)
May 29 — National Paperclip Day.
May 30 — National Creativity Day. (I’m making paperclip sculptures.)
May 31 — Save Your Hearing Day. (Turn down that thumpety-thump-thump car radio! Or maybe it’s the May 3 tuba. Where’s my lumpy rug?)
Let’s get the May days party started.
CELEBRATE WITH Cole at firstname.lastname@example.org, on the Burton W. Cole page on Facebook or @BurtonWCole on Twitter.