The Star Beacon; Ashtabula, Ohio

Sports

January 23, 2014

A Don McCormack column: Goin’ Hollywood... to help Browns find a head coach

(Continued)

Kevin and Danny O’Shea, of “Little Giants”

The brothers, played superbly by Rick Moranis and Ed O’Neill, who plays a former Heisman Trophy winner, both turn out to be fine leaders of men, even of those the age of children.

Then again, considering the actions of some of the Browns, especially those brought in by our Three Stooges (if ever there was a better description of a player than Davone Bess being called a “possession receiver,” I have not read nor heard it), Coach Kevin and Coach O’Shea might be uniquely qualified to coach those who act like children.

The verdict — This duo is a solid backup plan, should none of our finalists agree to assume the (prone) position.

Homer Simpson, of “The Simpsons”

The Three Stooges and Homer Simpson?

If there was ever a better match than this guy and those guys to run this football team, it would take someone special.

Our hero, Homer, replaces Ned Flanders as the coach of Bart’s midget squad in the episode perfectly titled, “Bart Starr.”

Coach Homer’s initial testing of the waters as coach begins with him playing the tough-guy role. Soon, though, he begins favoring Bart (ever seen a youth coach do that, Loyal Readers?), even at the expense of featuring his star player, Nelson Muntz.

The end credits of this episode of the longest-running television series in history are must-see TV.

The verdict — Homer is too smart to lead this circus act on the North Coast.

Coach Klein, of “The Waterboy”

Henry Winkler, known to a prior generation as The Fonz, from “Happy Days” fame, is the leader of the Mud Dogs.

Though Coach Klein’s underdogs pull the upset, it’s difficult to imagine Winkler in any role other than that of The Fonz.

The verdict — No way. Winkler, no matter the part, is way too cool to take over this wagon load of incompetence. Sit on it, Jimmy, Joe and Mike.

Text Only
Sports
  • Sam Going strong!

    Back on track... and still alive and kicking, er, hitting!

    August 1, 2014 1 Photo

  • 18U Outlaws split first two

    A stirring rally in their last at-bat allowed the Ohio Outlaws 18-and-under squad to prevail in its first game at the Eastern National Tournament on Thursday in Sterling, Va.

    August 1, 2014

  • UMC rolls to church title

    The Andover United Methodist Church co-ed softball team capped a successful season by applying the basics. Timely hitting and solid defense both came into play as they polished off the losers’ bracket winner, New Life Fire of Geneva, 10-4, to claim the Ashtabula Church Co-ed Softball League — Thursday Massucci Division championship.

    August 1, 2014

  • Indians Mariners sink Tribe

    Another difficult day on the trade front ended with a disappointing loss for the Cleveland Indians.

    August 1, 2014 2 Photos

  • Taylor Outlaws edged by a run

    The slimmest of margins proved to be the difference in determining the outcome of a clash between the Ohio Outlaws Gold and the Virginia Shamrocks in the USA-ASA 16-and-under Nationals on Wednesday in Salem, Va.

    July 31, 2014 1 Photo

  • Olivia-smile A Don McCormack column: Holt right at home at Mount

    When a young person from this area goes off to college and continues to play sports at the next level, we do feature stories on them.

    July 31, 2014 2 Photos

  • Twin State Night at Raceway 7 next

    This week is the annual Twin State Club night at Raceway 7. Regular racing will be presented in all five divisions. With the points races nearing their conclusion the racing will be hot as August weather Friday night.

    July 31, 2014

  • Tribe Kluber twirls gem

    “The ace is gone. Long live the ace.” That’s how Indians fans might be looking at matters today.

    July 31, 2014 1 Photo

  • SB1 Let’s play another

    It pays to have the right hitters at the plate at the right time.

    July 30, 2014 2 Photos

  • Outlaws roll again

    They may be Outlaws by name, but the Northeast Ohio-based Ohio Outlaws Gold are certainly running with the in crowd at the USA-ASA 16-and-under Nationals in Salem, Va.

    July 30, 2014

Little League All-Stars July 1 to 12
AP NASCAR Lastest News
AP NASCAR Sprint Cup Schedule
AP NASCAR Sprint Cup Standings
AP Auto Racing Photos
West Side Shootout 2014
Ashtabula County at State Track Meet
Jefferson vs Akron St. Vincent St. Mary Regional Softball
District Track 2014
Jefferson District Softball Tournament
Bob Walters 50 Years
Geneva vs Perry Division II District Semifinal
Sports Week in Review May 12 to May 17
Sports Week in Review May 5 to May 10 2014
Sports Week in Review April 28 to May 3
Sports Video Archive
House Ads
AP Video