The Star Beacon; Ashtabula, Ohio


January 23, 2014

A Don McCormack column: Goin’ Hollywood... to help Browns find a head coach


Kevin and Danny O’Shea, of “Little Giants”

The brothers, played superbly by Rick Moranis and Ed O’Neill, who plays a former Heisman Trophy winner, both turn out to be fine leaders of men, even of those the age of children.

Then again, considering the actions of some of the Browns, especially those brought in by our Three Stooges (if ever there was a better description of a player than Davone Bess being called a “possession receiver,” I have not read nor heard it), Coach Kevin and Coach O’Shea might be uniquely qualified to coach those who act like children.

The verdict — This duo is a solid backup plan, should none of our finalists agree to assume the (prone) position.

Homer Simpson, of “The Simpsons”

The Three Stooges and Homer Simpson?

If there was ever a better match than this guy and those guys to run this football team, it would take someone special.

Our hero, Homer, replaces Ned Flanders as the coach of Bart’s midget squad in the episode perfectly titled, “Bart Starr.”

Coach Homer’s initial testing of the waters as coach begins with him playing the tough-guy role. Soon, though, he begins favoring Bart (ever seen a youth coach do that, Loyal Readers?), even at the expense of featuring his star player, Nelson Muntz.

The end credits of this episode of the longest-running television series in history are must-see TV.

The verdict — Homer is too smart to lead this circus act on the North Coast.

Coach Klein, of “The Waterboy”

Henry Winkler, known to a prior generation as The Fonz, from “Happy Days” fame, is the leader of the Mud Dogs.

Though Coach Klein’s underdogs pull the upset, it’s difficult to imagine Winkler in any role other than that of The Fonz.

The verdict — No way. Winkler, no matter the part, is way too cool to take over this wagon load of incompetence. Sit on it, Jimmy, Joe and Mike.

Text Only
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