The Star Beacon; Ashtabula, Ohio


January 23, 2014

A Don McCormack column: Goin’ Hollywood... to help Browns find a head coach

The Cleveland Browns have gone Hollywood, in a way, having been linked to the ahead-of-their-time Three Stooges.

And as they play the part of the Titanic serpentining their way in search of an iceberg to hit, we decided to turn to the world of film and television in an effort to help find someone... anyone... who just might be willing to accept millions of dollars and their offer to become the next head coach of the Browns.

With that in mind, let’s go to the tape, so to speak, with this caveat — I did not include the likes of Herman Boone, Gary Gaines or Knute Rockne because they were real-life coaches, which immediately makes them way too overqualified to be saddled with the task of being the head coach of a sad-sack organization run by, well, Three Stooges...

Hayden Fox, of “Coach”

Played to the mold by Craig T. Nelson, Fox looks the part, acts the part and comes across the part.

Still, something’s missing. Then again, his Pat Shurmur-like goofiness might just fit the bill.

The verdict — Too soft and unassuming. The Three Stooges would control Coach Fox like a puppet on a string.

Coach Nickerson, of “All the Right Moves”

Again, Nelson plays the roll, though this time as the antagonist to Stefan Djordjevic, played by Tom Cruise, and his not-ugly girlfriend, Lisa Litzke, played by Lea Thompson (if you were a male and grew up in the early 1980s, Thompson achieved goddess-like status).

Nickerson plays the first 95 percent of the terrific film coming across as a first-class jerk, which reminds anyone who covered the Browns in the mid-1990s to another, though real-life first-class jerk — Bill Belichick.

The verdict — Considering Nickerson’s play call at the conclusion of the Walnut Heights game, he is the unquestioned clubhouse leader.

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  • Don A Don McCormack column: ‘Kids’ stuff’ spurs great responses

    I’m often caught more than a bit off-guard by what stories, features or columns generate responses from you, Loyal Readers, much more so than those who do not.
    For example, the column that appeared in this space a couple of days ago regarding things yours truly and my buddies did as kids prompted more than a few responses.
    A sampling, many of which were posted on my Facebook page:

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  • kyle GANG GREEN

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  • Scholastic Schedule:

    Grand Valley at Maplewood (4:30)
    St. John at Lawrence (4:30)
    Mathews at PV (4:30)
    Fairport at Perry (7:30)
    West Geauga at Madison (4:30)
    Harvey at Riverside (4:30)
    Jefferson at Harding (5)

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  • Olivia In transition

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    “They do have tradition,” Holt, the daughter of Gus and Michelle Holt, said. “I’m from PV. We had a tradition of winning and working hard there. I wanted to go somewhere that tradition mattered. I knew I was going to get better by coming here.”

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    Think spring?
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  • Scholastic Statistics:

    St. John 4, Euclid 1
    at Pine Lake

    April 16, 2014

  • tennis Scholastic Schedule:


    PV at Ledgemont (4:30)
    North at Geneva (4:30)
    Riverside at Chardon (4:30)
    Jefferson at Lakeview (5)

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    I have no idea why I thought of this, just now, but I did.

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Sports Week in Review April 7-12
Spring Sports Practice in Ashtabula County
2014 AP BB Tourney Top 25
2014 AP BB Tourney Scoreboard
2014 AP BB Tourney News
2014 AP BB Tourney Photos
Star Beacon-Ed Batanian Senior Classic
Girls Regional Basketball Action
Week of Champions
Sports Week in Review February 21, 22
Grand Valley at Edgewood Boys Basketball
Sports Week in Review Feb. 3 to 8
Sports Week in Review January 30 to Feb. 1
Sports Week in Review January 13-18
Sports Week in Review January 10 and 11
Sports Video Archive
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AP Video