Don’t ask for whom the bell tolls, at least not if you’re a fan of Cleveland professional sports teams.
Where to start, you ask?
That, Loyal Readers, is perhaps the most difficult of questions, but we’ll make a run at it.
Going to pot
Let’s see if we have this straight — Indians closer Chris Perez is ineffective, apparently hurt and obviously disinterested.
At least we now know why.
In a possible wag-the-dog explanation, the Tribe’s two-time All-Star closer and his wife, Melanie, were charged with misdemeanor drug possession Friday after his wife signed for a package containing more than half a pound of marijuana that was sent to their Rocky River home.
It’s just the most recent dustup for the volatile Perez, who came under fire last season for calling out Indians fans, team management and former manager Manny Acta.
The most amazing aspect of this story isn’t the fact a professional athlete is (allegedly) smoking pot, but this:
The package was addressed to “Brody Baum.”
Brody is the name of, get this, the Perez family dog.
Baum is Melanie Perez’s maiden name.
Perhaps PETA should get involved.
From here, it sure seems the Tribe’s Senor Smoke and his wife involving the family pooch is cruelty to animals.
While we’re on the subject of Perez, seeing his recent police mug shot triggered one of those “wait, he looks just like someone! Who is it?” moments.
Take a look for yourself, Tribe fans. Doesn’t Perez resemble Silent Bob from the “Clerks” and “Jay and Silent Bob” flicks character, played by Kevin Smith?
And, considering the allegations against Perez, his wife and, yes, their poor pooch, and the tone of the “Clerks” and “Jay and Silent Bob” films, separated at birth seems to fit like a... well, glove.