Thu, Nov 26 2009
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Compassionate Friends offer hope for bereaved Star BeaconThe candle, with four wicks, was lit for grandparents (the forgotten mourners), for all of the bereaved parents, for siblings (the other forgotten mourners), and for our blood children who died too soon, Coy-Hawley said.
Coy-Hawley, who lost her son to suicide, began the introductions around the crowded room. "Coming to TCF was like walking onto a lifeboat. You feel a stigma; especially children who died from suicide, the stigma is terrible. The most wonderful thing is to be able to talk about your child and how you feel," she said. Coy-Hawley's daughter, Wendy Scott, 31, of Jefferson, is the TCF surviving siblings support-group leader. "I came to group and could talk about my big brother and tell all my feelings because I could not burden my Mom. I knew she was hurting so much already," Scott said. "The sibling group is a safe confidential place where the siblings can express their feelings." TCF began in Coventry, England, in 1969 and was incorporated in the United States as a nonprofit organization in 1978. There are now chapters in every state, which now number almost 600, and hundreds of chapters in Canada, Great Britain and many countries across the globe, according to a TCF fact sheet. Herb and the late Marge Saari began the northeast Ohio chapter of TCF in October 1983 after experiencing the loss of two daughters and a grandson in only 11 months. "I don't remember the funerals; I remember the friends," Herb Saari said. "We started with seven families, and in 23 years we have grown to more than 300 families." Through TCF, the Saaris finally found a place they could cry and share their true feelings, without feeling they were being judged. "Six months of Compassionate Friends did more for my wife and I than any therapy," he said. "I would never leave this group because they helped us so much." Other people around the room agreed with Saari. One grieving mother said, "This group saved my life." Another said, "TCF has been a lifeline for me and my family." There were some who could not talk because the loss is so new and others who brought up specific issues related to the losses they are dealing with. "Christmas is the hardest for us to get through," said one grieving mother. Kathy Frambac, of Conneaut, who has been attending meetings since last October, feels "the first year you are in shock, and the second year reality sets in," she said. 
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