MARGIE PAGE / Star Beacon
STAR BEACON'S own Robert Lebzelter in the aftermath of getting pied by wife Louise last weekend at the first pet care expo at Ashtabula Towne Square.
A ROBERT LEBZELTER column /
It had to be cheap whipped cream, too
ROBERT LEBZELTER column for June 15, 2009
Star Beacon
The pies being hoisted at me didn't come too thick and fast, although the first time someone drew back and hoisted the confectionery, I felt a bit uneasy. But not for long. PLOP, I was quickly blinded and felt something cold and gooey.
This being cheap whipped cream, it also tended to be watery, going down my neck.
Remember I said you had to throw between the X's? Well, kids were able to break the rule. Someone would pick them up until they were parallel to me, close and BOOM!
And Margie Four Names, the one who asked me in the first place, you would think she would be a bit concerned with my well being. Not a chance. As difficult as this is to understand, she actually went past the closest X and slammed whipped cream in my face. So it was my duty to break the rules too, leave my post and although blinded by the debris on my face, caught up with Margie and smeared some whipped cream on her face, too.
Then two-gun Louise, aka the wife, showed up. Now why would she be here? She saunters over, puts down $1, picks up a "pie" and throws. But most of it hit the top of the edifice I was standing behind. The whipped cream splattered over the top and hit the back of my shirt.
I must point out even if you are a bad shot, some of the whipped cream always hits its target.
Not happy with the initial throw, she hit me again, this time closer to the center. Then another $1 and another round.
When my time was up, I cleaned up the best I could with paper towel but thought to make sure, I would walk down to the public restrooms and use a little water.
I didn't realize until I arrived, having gone by numerous people, that I still had lots of whipped cream all over me. People, here is a tip: Never, but never, depend on paper towel exclusively to get rid of whipped cream.
So I started washing my face and neck. For awhile, it just moved the whipped cream around. I had to pour on more and more water. Finally, very wet but whipped-cream free, I grabbed paper towel from the dispenser. There was one little sheet left on the role.
I made do and went back to the expo, enjoying other people getting zapped in the face.
The most popular part of the expo apparently was a pet psychic. People wanted to know what their pets were thinking. Well, I can tell you what they were thinking as they saw me getting hit with those pies.
“Boy, I wish I could lick up some of that stuff.”
Lebzelter is special sections editor. E-mail him at bobleb@starbeacon.com.
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