Thu, Nov 26 2009
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Published June 13, 2009 10:49 pm - I got up two hours early the other weekend to be assaulted. It had to be cheap whipped cream, too ROBERT LEBZELTER column for June 15, 2009 Star Beacon I got up two hours early the other weekend to be assaulted. I was hit and hit and hit again until I could feel the stickiness of liquid running down my face onto my neck. The assaults came so quick and fast I couldn't see. One assailant I was able to jump up and grab, but for the most part, they got away. It was all for the best. Oh yeah, and for charity, too. You see, myself, Beacon sports writer Bob Ettinger and others got hit with pies at the first-ever pet care expo at Ashtabula Towne Square, to benefit the Animal Protective League. Another Beacon staffer, Marjorie Beth Trax Page (she insists on being called by all four names), was in charge of putting the event together and quickly enlisted help. Now full disclosure here: They weren't technically pies. After all, you got two throws for $1. Where can you get a pie for 50 cents and still make a profit throwing it? It was more like those cupcake papers with cheap whipped cream inside. Somehow after an hour of those things being heaved at me, I never did taste the stuff. But those who did told me it isn't the brand they would buy for strawberry shortcake. My initial reaction when I learned these missiles would be heaved at me was to have an APL dog with me to lick the mess off of my face. But after having been hit a few times, I'm glad nobody took me up on the offer. The whipped cream was a sticky enough mess. Having dog saliva on me probably wouldn't have helped a whole lot. Good old paper towel and a pair of goggles were my friends. The rule was you had to throw between two X's in front of me. Kids got a prize no matter what. Adults just took out their aggressions in case they didn't agree with a column I wrote or maybe they pretended I was their boss. Mostly I think they did it to have fun and help the APL. Everybody had a smile on their faces, even me. Now I never had a pie, or paper cup of whipped cream thrown at me before. I actually did watch a Three Stooges short the night before in which there was a pie fight. Those snooty society types during the Great Depression were once again getting their comeuppance, thanks to Moe, Larry and Curly. I remember reading Moe Howard was an excellent pie thrower. He could hit the targets dead-on. Those Columbia shorts had to be done quickly and inexpensively. So when it came to pie fights, Moe did most of the throwing. Added to this, these were working sets with carpentry tools and nails off camera. Once the cameras rolled, they kept rolling as long as possible. So after a bunch of pies were thrown, Moe would scoop up the pie debris and recycle, throwing that at the other talent. That meant you had the added possibility of an errant nail being thrown at you with the pie. 
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