Star Beacon
April 10, 2008 05:23 pm
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AFTER I FELL INTO THE DOLPHIN TANK IN JAMAICA AND RECOVERED FROM MY CLOSE ENCOUNTER WITH THE CRUISE SHIP’S MASSEUSE, Hubby and I spent the remainder of the afternoon dining and shopping in Ochos Rio, Jamaica.
Hubby’s eyes sparkled and he looked so cute and suntanned in his camouflage “cruise wear,” a.k.a. khaki shorts and a shirt with palm-trees print. When I asked him what was the occasion, he explained he was just “refreshed” after his morning excursion — scuba diving along Devil’s Reef.
“Devil’s” Reef?
(The name should have tipped me off to the possibility of mischief.)
“How was the dive?” I asked.
“Great!” he said, smiling from ear to ear.
“Better than Grand Cayman?” I said.
“Yes,” he said. “Oh, yes.”
“Wow,” I said, remembering he once said Grand Cayman was the top place ON EARTH to scuba dive.
But I dropped it, although his googly eyes made me a bit suspicious.
I probably would have pressed the matter further, but frankly, I was too wrapped up in my near-drowning in the dolphin tank.
“That water tasted horrible! Horrible!” I said over and over again as I ordered another and another frozen margarita. (Note to readers: These beverages were strictly for medicinal purposes.)
“Let’s buy some rum,” said Hubby, who was truly in the party mode.
Inside the Jamaican liquor store, we discovered a smorgasbord of rums to choose from and the clerk offered FREE samples. Hubby was like a kid in a candy store.
Six shots of rum and an hour later ...
I boasted a beautiful sapphire necklace, expensive perfume and a new purse — all at Hubby’s expense.
I was delighted!
Hubby and I behaved like newlyweds — laughing and holding hands as we hurried back to our “love boat.”
That night at dinner ...
I spotted one of Hubby’s scuba diving buddies. Hubby introduced me to him a day earlier after the Grand Cayman dive. His name was Andrew and he was from England.
“Isn’t that your diving partner?” I said.
I waved.
“Don’t wave,” Hubby said.
“Why?” I asked.
Too late.
Andrew smiled and walked right over.
“Hi! How are you doing?” Hubby said as the two shook hands.
“Hello,” said Andrew in his wonderful British accent. “How about that girl taking off her swimming costume?”
Hubby’s googly eyes rattled from side to side.
“WHAT?!?!” I squawked.
I don’t know exactly what Hubby said afterwards because a roaring sound filled my ears as all of the blood rushed to my head. Steam emitted from the top of my head and my hair began to curl tighter and tighter.
When Andrew walked away, Hubby knew his goose was cooked, as my grandmother would say.
Looking at me with those big brown eyes, Hubby then told a sad, sad tale of how he was a victim — yes, a victim — of circumstance:
n How a young, “mildly” attractive female scuba diver took off her top when she jumped in the water;
n How he was “forced” to endure seeing the topless diver over and over again as he tried with all his might to focus instead on the beautiful, blue water and aquatic creatures, and
n How he only kept this small detail from me because of my delicate state of being. After all, I fell into a dolphin tank, and experienced a too-close-for-comfort massage at the ship’s spa — all in one day. Yadda, yadda, yadda.
You know what I said?
“OOOOOHHH Brother! Now I know why you had googly eyes and smiling from ear to ear,” I said. “Diving is better here than in Grand Cayman, is it? Why you ....”
Staff writer Shelley Terry has already scheduled a dolphin dive excursion for Hubby’s next cruise.
Copyright © 1999-2008 cnhi, inc.
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A SHELLEY TERRY column