Compassionate Friends remember loved ones with candlelighting

Star Beacon

December 12, 2006 07:31 am

— By MARGIE TRAX PAGE
Staff Writer
ASHTABULA - - The soft light of flickering candles illuminated a path of grief, healing and sorrow for Miala Coy.
Coy sobbed softly, her hand grasping her small white candle, her eyes spilling tears faster than her tissue could catch them.
Coy and nearly 100 other people gathered at Faith Lutheran Church, Sunday evening, for a worldwide candlelighting service to remember the children they loved and lost.
Coy remembered her 41%2525DA2-year-old son, Jonathan, who died of a heart defect 14 years ago.
"I feel like this is a day that I can do something for him, let him know that I am still remembering him and that he is a part of my daily life and a part of my family," she said.
The service, which was held by the self-help group Northeast Ohio Chapter of The Compassionate Friends, was part of the world's largest mass candlelighting in the world. As the light of the candles at Faith Lutheran Church faded into smoke, candles in churches one time zone away were lit, creating a 24-hour wave of light as the world remembered it's lost children.
Children participated in the service, most of whom are siblings or cousins of those being remembered. The children sang Christmas songs and decorated a small Christmas tree with ornaments dedicated to those who died.
Co-leader for Compassionate Friends Herb Sarri read the names of the deceased children as their parents held up candles. Then the group held hands and sang "Amazing Grace."
Sarri said Compassionate Friends saved his life 25 years ago when he lost his daughter Darla, then 21, in an accident. Eleven weeks later, Sarri and his wife held a double funeral for their then-23-year-old daughter Cheryl and their 3-year-old grandson Paul, who died in a fire.
"After the children died, my wife spent 21%2525DA2 years in a mental institution. We joined Compassionate Friends, and six months later the doctor released her from the hospital," Sarri said. "I have been involved ever since. Without this group, I honestly think I would have killed myself," he said.
Co-leader Kathy Hawley said the group keeps the memory of her son David Brunning fresh in her heart. Brunning committed suicide 18 years ago.
"The loss of a child is something you just can't imagine. Compassionate Friends is a group of people who know that pain," Hawley said. "We let people express their emotions, whatever those emotions are. You can come and scream and cry, or you can just sit and listen. We let people do what they need to do to heal," she said.
The group also offers support to siblings, who often are overlooked in the healing process, sibling leader Wendy Scott said.
Member Ann Turner said the group helped her after she miscarried her child.
"Miscarriages and stillbirths are still losses. Compassionate Friends are for people who have suffered through the loss of these children, too," she said. Grandparents, parents and siblings of those who died are all welcome to join the group.
"We have parents in our group who lost a child who was 30 years old. We have people who are 60 and just lost a brother or sister. We invite people from all walks of life to come and heal with us," Hawley said.
Compassionate Friends meets at 7 p.m. on the fourth Thursday of every month at the Ashtabula Township Highway Department, located on Route 20. For more information, contact Hawley (440 992-0706), Sarri (440 992-1181) or Scott (440 576-0058).
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