Harrumph! If the Boola, Boola County Fair has come and gone, can the beginning of the area high school futileball seizin’ be far behind?

Yes, I know some publications refer to this arena as “prep” futileball, but I don’t see that term as appropriate. If it means “prepared,” forget it. If it’s an abbreviation for “preppy,” how do you explain the bib overalls and clodhoppers that make up most of the wardrobe of players from places like Gland Valley and Ptooietuning Valley?

Anyway, I’ve had my fill of demo derbies and harness races. When I was in my salad days, the only cars I could afford resembled the wrecks that derby-goers love. Other teens often used my vehicles in a similar manner to that seen at the county fair. I grew tired of horses’ faces, too. Several of the girls I used to date were just a saddle short of equine affiliation.

So I’m ready for some other light entertainment. Scrods around here provide plenty of humor.

First up for the honor of Last Comics Standing are the Lakesize Draggin’s, who once again open the year with Howlin’ in the Wind. Since a thrilling overtime victory in the initial nontest against the Coyotes, Lakesize has been pretty much reduced to a puddle of tears in this Thursday battle. Playing on Thursday eliminates many of the Draggin’ supporters, who are busy studying in preparation for the upcoming school year. Yeah, I can just picture that.

This year, Mad-as-a-son has joined its PAC-Man counterpart in beginning the seizin’ on a Thursday. Those rent-a-buses are easier to procure when they’re not getting ready to haul scads of senior citizens to assorted malls for their big Friday night shopping treks. “Shop ’til you drop” has taken on a new meaning for the septuagenarians and octogenarians, who often drop as they get off the bus.

But enough blither-blather. On to the picks, the first of the seizin’ and a chance to get off on the right foot. Most area teams won’t, but that’s the price of doing business in this area. Pick ’em to win, and I’m a fool — pick ’em to lose, and I get unpleasant surprises in the mail.

n JEFFERSON at GRAND VALLEY — Despite the early beginnings of the two scrods mentioned above, this nontest takes center stage since it’s the only game that pits two Boola, Boola County teams against one another. “Pits” is the correct word, too. Have you seen the two styes both of these scrods attept to pass off as actual fields? In Oilwell, they gots a beautiful million-dollar facility and a five-cent field. In Chefferson, they have a three-cent facility and a five-cent field. Gland Valley coach-Oriental philosopher Thom Hen Sun and his County Seated counterpart, nephew and protege in zen, Ghim, couldn’t attend the Olympic Games because of practice, but they’ve gotten pretty red-eyed watching on TV. Only one will have red eyes after this nontest. Chefferson players spend most of their free time watching the clothes spin around at the laundromat or playing chess in the gazebo, while the Moose-tongues are out in the fields, bringing in the crops. But the Flakin’s are pretty slippery, a result of hanging around all those lawyers at the courthouse. MUTT AND JEFF 33, GLAND PRIZE 14.

n HOWLAND at LAKESIDE (played last night) — Van McBreath might have brought a whiff of fresh air to the Draggin’s last year had he not been named to the post so late he was left gasping for air. Lakesize was a big fish in a small pond in the Any C, but finds itself relegated to the status of minnow in the PAC-Man. At least so far. Let’s face it, Charredtown and Will-it-ever-be have been starks in the league and Mad-as-a-son and Riverslide shared the title last year. Here are directions to Lakesize for Howlin’ fans: Shoot up Route 11. Go to the Boola, Boola Mall. Stores have some nifty clothes there, along with some very open spaces to assemble and get your act together. Then go home. The Draggins’ have seen plenty of acts, including a few tragic ones. HOWLIN’ AT THE MOON 26, IT’S A DRAGGIN’ JUST TO SEE YOU (See Bob Dylan’s Greatest Hits) 12.

n CHAMPION at EDGEWOOD — Once upon a time, the Worriers were champions (of something, at least I think so), and that’s no fairy tale. But Edge of Night has played the role of Sleeping Beauty for so long Yours Truly has lost count. Elmira was once a raving beauty (well, raving, anyway ... Ouch, there goes that frying pan again), too, and look at her now. Joe Carny has taken over the Worriers’ reins now and Carny has a knack of rebuilding programs. He rebuilt Chefferson. He rebuilt Ptooietuning Valley. He rebuilt Harb ... er, you get my drift anyway. Champion, oh so many years ago lived up to its name, but that was a while ago. At breakfast, the Flushes like to eat their Wheaties, but are now better known for their spark plugs, which so many of their players resemble. You know, as in sparking their team. I would never insult a team’s looks, especially one that I, among most people, know so little about. CHAMPS 30, WORRIERS 26.

n OBERLIN at SS. JOHN AND PAUL — SS. John, Paul, George and Ringo benefit from Lakesize’s decision to begin the seizin’ on Thursday and get to play at the Draggin’s lair, where their fans will fill up roughly five percent of the seats, at least if they come out in force. Overdone is known as a liberal place, so the Burned Suppers will probably allow the Harolds to score. Maybe. No word on how many people will make the long, long trip to Saybrook Township, let alone how many will be able to find the place if they do. All in all, it looks like a small gate for the Fab Four. Perhaps the hosts will have to have another bingo night or 50-50 raffle to make up the difference. OBOES 14, SERGEANT PEPPER’S LONELY HEARTS CLUB BAND 8.